Sam

I pray to the gods of popcorn. You just eat it.

2008-06-12T23:36:49Z

I think it's kind of funny that just a few entries below this one is a description of my 18th birthday. Now, the birthday I'm closest to is 22. That's a tad scary. ok...it's terrifying. The craziest part of all is that I actually feel like I'm 16 again, for countless reasons. My closest friends at that age have recycled themselves into my newest ones. I am rebuilding relationships I thought were lost forever in the debris they had crumbled in. Now, it's as if I am laying bricks where straw had once been. Although construction is a long process, it may mean that this time, the walls are indestructable.

Beach day tomorrow with Sally & Shannon. Nothing better than family, sunshine, and turkey sandwiches. I can't wait!

onefunnyevent- Ann Taylor got her golf cart stuck in the sand today and called me stranded from the 8th hole.

When did my hair get thin and curly? When did my voice get deep and hoarse?

2008-06-12T01:15:53Z

So...
I'm pretty much a baller. I sold $494 worth of cart goodies today, which is the new golf course record of the season, beating my previous record of $487. $170 in tips today...sounds good to me. I think it had something to do with the beautiful weather. It created a permanent smile on my face and good spirits from the players...or maybe it was just my pink Nike hat.who knows?!

After work, I went to La Fagota with Amanda Perry. I love that we've been hanging out, especially since we didn't do so enough back in the HHS days. My taco salad tasted fabulous after a day of starvation, and although Amanda's margarita looked pretty appetizing, I decided to save the calories for my meal.

Went to Kmart after dinner and bought Father's Day cards for my dad and Pawpaw Cline. I forgot Mike. I'm an idiot. Looks like I'll be returning tomorrow. Speaking of Mike, I talked to Mike Hall today. His negativity on my most recent love interest is starting to piss me off. I know it's because he's jealous, so I'm attempting to take his comments with a grain of salt. Then again, maybe the only reason I'm taking so much offense to his cynicism is because I have so little faith in the situation myself. It's just that the timing couldn't really be worse. What's meant to be will be I suppose.

My work schedule for the rest of the week is boderline hellacious. Tomorrow I arrive at 6:30 am, and have to work in the snack shop with Judy. It's going to be god-awful. Not looking forward to it at all.

onefunnyevent- Today Mike (from the snack shop) was telling Anne Taylor (not the designer, another cart girl) that he didn't really care what she did as long as she got her job done. He told her she could stand on her head in the corner for all he cares. I told him I was going to stand on my head in the corner next time we work together. The funny part is, I have mentally made the decision to literally stand on my head in the corner next time I see Mike in the snack shop. He'll get such a kick out of it. Oh work humor.....how simple you are.

I've been tryin' to get down to the heart of the matter.

2008-06-11T03:16:21Z

This is so confusing. When I sort it out in my head, I will be able to write a little better.

p.s. Apparently, livejournal does not automatically save entries you begin to write but don't finish. I feel as though this is a highly inconvenient lack of a feature. Oh well....I will find the words...I'll just have to "be patient." That's the advice of the day, "be patient." I'm trying. Seriously, I'm trying. It's easy to be patient for 3 1/2 years but increasingly more difficult to remain patient as each day creeps by. Doing nothing is a lot harder than being pro-active, but allowing things to pan out without interfering will be the most productive in the end...no matter how things end up. It sucks being the one who knows the answers, and having to keep them to myself as other people use trial & error to find solutions. I guess this explains why I've never really been great at group projects...ha

onefunnyevent- I laid down on the hammock today to call Merrick, and flipped over.....real graceful.

Oh

2005-04-27T04:38:13Z

I don't think I matter to you or you anymore...

To you it's almost like I never have,though I am still surprised

and to you, I know I used to...yet obviously I am unforgiven

And finally, I do feel as if I matter to you...finally, finally, finally

onefunnyevent @ 2005-02-17T20:52:00

2005-02-18T01:52:21Z

i updated

The week

2004-11-24T00:37:25Z

I know I haven't updated in a while, but I should have remembered to copy and paste as I went along since I just lost everything. Anyways, the last week was the best week of my life. Here’s how it went:

Monday--> My 18th birthday! I went to school, my grandma’s, and then to dinner with my family + Joey. We went to Outback where I consumed a bloomin’ onion, flower pot bread, a salad, a steak, fries, a free birthday desert, and my usual 8 Diet Cokes of course. Then, we went home for presents which weren’t very diverse this year considering the only other thing I got besides money was a lint-roller (except the card, flowers, stuffed doggy, and O.A.R. ticket from Joseph). I ate two pieces of my birthday cakes. Yes, I said cakesssssssssssssssss. I got an ice cream one from mommy and a homemade one from grandma. All-in- all my first birthday in adulthood was a success.

Tuesday--> I had a performance with the Opera. It was fun missing school even though I do it all the time. I completely fucked up one of the dances though. They forgave me since I did only have 1 day to learn the entire thing. At first, they told me I was gonna have to go to Fairfax with them that weekend since Krista’s neck wasn’t better yet. I cried becaue that meant not only missing O.A.R, but not being able to have my party on Saturday. Luckily, Todd saved the day and told them I wasn’t going…YAY.

Wednesday--> Skipped 1st & 2nd bell w/ Joey…:) Then, I went to GSA and then to dance finally. It was so good to see everyone. I loved it even though I couldn’t do anything. I felt so bad for Denise because she had foot surgery and when she was trying to give someone a correction, she went too fast in her wheelchair thing and fell out onto her foot and cried. It was really sad.

Thursday--> Don’t remember anything except Joey took me out to dinner at Vivo and then we just hung out at my house.

Friday--> HAHAHHAA YESSSSSSSS! I got out of school and didn’t go to GSA since there was no rehearsal. Joey came over, we drank, and then went to the concert. At first I thought I was too messed up to enjoy it, but as soon as O.A.R came on I was loving life. I had so much fun dancing, clapping, screaming, singing, elbowing stupid girls beside us, throwing my head back at Joey, and flicking off “Shaquille O’Neil” (or however u spell it). Anyway there was a little confusion on who to ride with on the way home, but everyone got home safe and Joey spent the night.

Saturday--> My birthday get-together. At around 8 Brett, Blair, and Joey came over. They gave me a cute shirt and 2 free movie tickets :)!! Soon after, Chris came over and we played cards. Chris left, we started playing beer pong, Chris came back, Heather, Bryce, and Brittany came over, Bryce and Brittany left, Blair and I continued to kill everyone in beerpong. Jason and Anthony came home and made the whole night that much more interesting. Heather gave me a jar filled with cheezits, and a Sex & the City DVD. Both of which are very meaningful to Heather and I’s relationship. Chris gave me the best card ever with drunk handwriting. Brett and Blair fought, Blair cried, and Chris cheered everyone up and now I love him. Me and Brett fought over keys, boys walked, boys got chased by dogs, Chris ran back, Jason took home Brett, Joey came back, me and Joey hung out in kitchen, I broke a glass, Chris fell asleep with Heather, I fell asleep with Joey, and Blair had to fall asleep with my body pillow and stuffed animals. THE END…oh what a night.

Sunday--> Slept late and then me and Joey went to see “Saw” again and “National Treasure”. They were both good except I almost had to go home sick.

Monday--> I left school early, hung out with Joey, went to Gov. School, and came home. Then, I talked to Kristina for an hour and a half online. Yes I said talked…not yelled, not fought, not killed, we talked. For the first time in a year we actually had a good conversation. I feel so much better now, and she said she does too. It was so nice to get everything out, and be able to ask questions. I think we might go out and talk again soon. We have a lot to say, and I’m happy things are better. Once we got done talking Joey came over and we talked forever about everything. I feel better about that too because I got a few things off my chest that I’ve been meaning to tell him, and he told me some secrets too. Hahahahaha I’m laughing about them, but I’ll never tell.

Today--> School, Governor’s School blah. Nasla asked me to ring dance yay!! I’m so excited I get to go since last year sucked so bad. We’re gonna have so much fun. Tonight, we went tanning as our first preparation.

Stolen from Lindsey

2004-08-12T02:11:30Z

Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Samanthaitis
Cause:	psychological
Symptoms:	loss of dress sense, impotence, knee swelling
Cure:	sleep
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:

LOL so true...I never get any sleep at all. I'm sure a little sleep will cure a lot of my psychological problems for I have many. hhaha Today I didn't feel good. My face has blisters on it from sunburn, but the rest of my body isn't tan. Whatever...I got my last summer reading book today.UGH...Well, I'm supposed to go home tomorrow but I don't know if I'm actually gonna get to due to hurricanes Bonnie and Charlie. If not, I'll have to stay 'till Sunday or Monday. Wouldn't that stink?

DAMMIT

2004-08-11T03:59:10Z

I have the most unreliable boyfriend on Earth. He makes me madder than anyone. I am so sick of him not fucking calling me back when he says EVER, or not picking up when I call and then making lame ass fucking excuses later on. I refuse to call him again. If he wants to talk to me, he can call me and when he does maybe I should just say "oh I'll call you back in an hour" and then 5 hours later when I don't call back, I'm sure he'll call me back and I just won't pick up the next 3 times. Then the 7th hour when I finally do pick up, I'll just tell him I'm hanging out with my friends and I'll call him back later even though I know I probably won't do that either. I'm sure he'll flip out about it just like the ONE time I didn't pick up his phone calls. Try doing it everyday. I hope he plans on figuring out how to pick up the phone and call me...or we won't be talking b/c I give up and all my effort obviously doesn't mean shit b/c the more I try the less he does. "I'll be here for you anytime" should really be "I'll be here for you from this time to this time". Maybe he should just have hours where he wants to be on duty as a boyfriend b/c I guess noone informed him that it was a 24 hour commitment. I'm throwing up my hands, and if he has any desire to make this work than he can pull it together by himself b/c relationships are supposed to be 50/50 and the 99/1 ratio is just not cutting it anymore. I'm worn out and tired and it's starting to be more trouble than it's worth b/c although it's worth everything to me, I guess some people would just rather treat it like it's nothing like they have all along. Over and over and over and over I feel like this, and no matter what I say or what I do nothing ever changes and at this rate, I guess I should just accept the fact that nothing ever will. Goodnight.

PLEASE DO NOT COMMENT ON THIS. I REPEAT DO NOT COMMENT ON THE ABOVE MATERIAL....this entry is for my venting purposes only. Thank you. Have a great night.

P.S. Pineapple is my favorite fruit... and I love Whose Line is it Anyway?....I also love the new corduroy jacket and skirt I got...my legs are shaved too...i have a sunglass tan...plus im getting the Ashlee Simpson cd tomorrow. Life is really not that bad.

Fed up with this destiny...

2004-08-11T03:27:22Z

So yesterday was cloudy as shit again so me and Terri went to the mall. I got some cute black pants. Then we went to see The Notebook which I have already seen once and read the book. I just can't get enough. After all that, we met my dad at Outback and had the rudest waitress on Earth.

Today the sun was finally out so I layed outside and burnt up my face. Then, i went to get my haircut. I now have layers for the first time, but it looks exactly the same to me.

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
one nasty ass event~
Today I was laying out on the float in the pool and I got up to go inside and get a drink. As soon as I opened the door to the kitchen, a huge spider (as wide as the length of my middle finger) fell off my forehead onto the ground. OMG I screamed and started frantically smacking myself in the face. It was so disgusting. I killed it with a shoe while continuing to smack myself in the head. EWW....At least I didn't walk into the bathroom and look in the mirror to find a spider crawling on my face. YUCK

As bored as...i dont know im so bored i spent 5 min trying to think of a simile for my subject

2004-08-09T03:31:53Z

It's 10:45 and everyone is asleep already. WTF? The night is just getting started. I've decided I need to work the nightshift of whatever job I end up having. This going to bed early, waking up early stuff is not for me and it makes the days sooooo long.

Yesterday we went to Tallahassee to see FSU. The campus was so nice and big. The dance building is new, and the psycology building will be next year so that's good for me. Everyone we met was really nice, and we bought a few school-spirited items at Bill's bookstore.

Today we went to St. Augustine in hopes of a nice beach day. When we drove out onto the beach it was raining, and once that cleared up it was windy and cloudy. I bet I looked cute fully clothed out in the sand with the towel on-TOP of me rather than underneath. Needless to say we were over that in about 20 minutes and we went to a lighthouse before driving back home. Since then we've done nothing. I'm bored and wish I had some companionship down here with me, but things and people just don't turn out the way you expect sometimes.

This entry is boring me, but then again so is everything else so I will continue to write. Well I have nothing to write about so I guess I will be a busy-body and write about other people's lives...

~joey is hanging out at chris's house
~blair is having a cheering slumber party for tryouts tomorrow so she'll be at cheering camp when i get home :-(
~heather works entirely too much, and was sick all weekend
~chesnee got a new secret journal apparently so she wouldn't get any rude comments
~audrey is out of town in alabama and florida
~emily's mom got lip injections and emily thinks it's the funniest thing in the world
~seipel goes back to school soon and i will never see her
~brittany goes back at the same time and i haven't seen her since new york

OKAY that was even more boring than writing useless details about my own life.

My dad's vcr tried to eat the Miss Hickory tape and now my mom and grandma will now die of heartbreak since they must both view it every single day and cry. Losers...

I've done crunches and push-ups everyday and I just feel like I'm getting more and more out of shape as time goes on. I need to get back to dance, but I'm gonna suck so bad at Danny's intensive.

I need to know why it was thunderstorm-y for 2 weeks straight in Chesapeake and sunny here, then the day I left it got sunny in Chesapeake and thunderstorm-y here, and the day I get back it is once again supposed to be sunny here and thunderstorm-y in Chesapeake. Why does it follow me...I just want to get some sort of tan.

For the first time in my entire life, I am actually doing my summer reading. I'm so proud of myself for finishing the assignments for Hamlet and Oepidus Rex just by reading the books and using no cliff notes YAY! I'll start on my third book tomorrow.

Okay this is so boring I'm making myself fall asleep and probably anyone bored enough to read this so BYE!

I wanna go home and kiss my boyfriend now

I Love Florida

2004-08-06T19:02:45Z

Tomorrow I'm going to look at FSU which will hopefully be my home next year. I love warm weather and sunshine and being by myself. I hate Virginia sometimes, and thinking about it puts me in a bad mood. Everyone is being shitty. UGH this is pointless. I'm going back outside.

onefunnyevent @ 2004-08-05T18:38:00

2004-08-05T23:13:47Z

Thank you so much.

Yeah thanks for nothing. Thanks for ruining my week. Thanks for screwing me over and thinking of noone but yourself once again. I've tried to stick around and be forgiving of this type of bullshit over and over and over. Longer than anyone. Apparently the last 4 years didn't mean anything at all, which I might add is truly surprinsing considering you've never actually kept anyone else as a friend for that long. Most likely it's because I have a history of letting people that I love walk all over me. It's a very bad quality of mine which has caused me a lot of heartache over the years. It's not worth it. I'm so pissed off right now. I'm sure you won't understand why b/c you never have been able to. Trying to take away the first guy I ever really cared about, telling my secrets, putting me second to every guy that's ever been in your life, and third to any other friend that comes along, missing every performance that meant anything to me without calling, having sex with an ex boyfriend of two years, barely returning my phone calls, never making calls on your own to even see if im alive, and now screwing me out of a week vacation that real friends of mine would've been delighted to go on w/ me over a stomachache? C'mon now. That's just to name a few. I can't even fathom treating someone like this. What the fuck is wrong with people? Is noone out there a kind, genuine, person? I'm so over being treated like shit by the people I treat the best and care about the most. It doesn't make sense at all.

Well I'm in Florida by myself thinking about how there will barely be any summer left by the time I get back. Fuck that.

Nothing exciting has happened since my last update besides the crazy night at Bryce's house when the cops came and I was forced to hide under a bed for an hour and a half under a piece of material. Eventually I was found and my mom had to pick me up. Not fun at the time but very humorous now that I look back.

Now I gotta go get ready for dinner

Fuck mosquitos

2004-07-30T06:59:10Z

Today was so depressing except for when me and Blair went to the coinstar and I got $65. Then I had to ditch her which I didn't wanna do in order to help Joey's mom out by taking him to the doctor which sucked since we fought the whole way there over nothing. That is so annoying. At the beginning of our relationship we had real issues to fight about, but now it's like we have to invent things to fight about just so we can bitch all the time. I keep looking forward to a time where we can figure it all out and just relax and enjoy eachother. Everyday I wake up hoping that day will come, and everyday that it doesn't I get more upset about it.

I was supposed to go to dance at DL2 today, but I was stuck in Va.beach and Leah called up being a bitch about it and hung up on me. What the fuck? That's one thing I hate more than anything....people hanging up on each other. I give people the common courtesy of listening to them and I expect people to listen to me when I have something to say.

Well, after the appt. Joey and I went out to eat at Pargo's and then to the mall. I liked it b/c we held hands and played around and were happy. Once we got home though, bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch. UGH...of course the night ended in me crying and us having a talk which probably won't make any difference at all. I hate how I cry so easy. I feel like such a baby. I wish I could just act like I didn't give a shit about things, and get over them in 5 seconds and not act sensitive. But.... I can't and that's that. I'll always be this way, and I'll always find things wrong with everything in an effort to make things perfect; and if that means my glass is half empty and yours is half full than who gives a shit b/c we both end up with half a glass in the end don't we? Maybe I express too much of my feelings and I say too much of what's on my mind, but if I don't than everyone can always tell I'm holding something in and I spill it anyway. I talk too much, I cry too much, I think too much but at least I don't hold everything in and not think about anything at all. I make mean faces and I have an attitude and sometimes I'm even psychotic, but I'm not boring or fake to impress people. I'm spoiled and sarcastic, but am hardly ever being serious.

I don't even remember where this was leading anymore so I'm going to read The Notebook. Comments are welcome, but please no more "Joey is bad for you and why do you put up with it?". It's one of those "I can complain about him but you can't" type of things. You know you can bitch about your mom all you want, but as soon as someone else talks about her all hell breaks loose. Same thing and I don't wanna hear about that stuff anymore.

My last attempt

2004-07-28T07:36:26Z

The Rules:

1.) No lying

2.) Party together

3.) No hanging up

4.) Plans are plans. period.

5.) Pay attention to the way we speak/treat each other

6.) No "bitch" talk

I felt so crazy/retarded when we actually made up rules, but things should be fair now since we swore on our future not to break any of them.

I spent the whole day with Blair watching movies and eating and driving around. It was the perfect girls day.

onefunnyevent @ 2004-07-27T03:51:00

2004-07-27T07:53:26Z

I love you
I hate you
I can't live around you
I breathe you
I taste you
I can't live without you

When am I gonna learn? Why? Cause I'm tired of hating
When will it be your turn? Why? Cause I'm tired of waiting

Shape up or ship out

2004-07-25T17:28:27Z

I am so over Joey and I and our huge bullshit fights. It's really starting to piss me off. Well actually it's just continuing to piss me off. Like I told him, we are equal and should treat each other that way. He acts like he can make all the decisions and do whatever the fuck he wants, and I'm expected to live by a set of rules. It's retarded and my mama didn't bring me up to take shit from any guy. I've actually surprised myself by doing it this long. Love makes you do strange things sometimes. Whatever I'm mad. I like my new updating style where I write what I want. Okay the end.

Dear Diary...

2004-07-23T07:19:27Z

I hate online journals. Honestly noone treats them like real diaries. Nobody writes their inner most thoughts and feelings, the names of the people they hate, juicy details on their sex lives, or little insecurities about ourselves that drives us crazy. We're all too scared of getting anonymous comments and what people will think or say about us. Even if you "don't give a shit about what people think", you obviously do or your journal would be private. But noooo thats too boring. We all would much rather write about our "fake" lives and barely skim the surface of our emotions when writing just b/c a private journal is way too simple. I guarantee we would all seem crazy if we wrote what we really wanted to. Since I'm my own best friend now, I have nothing to lose, so I'm writing whatever I want...

My name is Samantha and I'm 17 wishing I was 4 again. My favorite thing to do is dance, even if I do decide not to go quite a bit. It's what I wanna do in life, but I'm scared about not being able to find a steady job or start a family b/c of having to travel. I used to have a best friend named Chesnee, but we barely talk now and she doesn't seem to care so fuck it I've moved on w/ her as an aquaintance. I have a boyfriend named Joey who drives me crazy. Even though we are best friends, sometimes I feel like he doesn't care at all and I ask him a million questions, and he gets pissed and I get pissed back. Needless to say , we fight a lot. Which brings me to the biggest fight of all. He cheated on me in the first 3 months of our relationship with "my friend" Kristina who I now despise despite my many efforts to get over it. However I have looked past all this and do want to marry Joey so one day we can be Mr. and Mrs. Smartass (not that we already aren't). I hate high school due to the fact that everyone is superficial and it's a huge race to be popular, although Hickory is the only high school I want to attend. I skip school more than I go and somehow get good grades, but not good enough for my own standards. I hate people that live to get "fucked up" or put a huge emphasis on drinking and smoking. It annoys me more than life itself, and all seems so immature. Don't get me wrong, I do believe in having a good time and drinking to loosen up a bit, although basing my entire night around getting drunk and high is idiotic. This all brings me to cigarettes. They make me want to throw up. People look dirty when they smoke, and they smell like shit afterwards. It's pointless and a waste of money. I'm sure you can find a cheaper way to look retarded, stink, and kill yourself all at once b/c those 3 things sound so appealing. Sex is cool though. Only with someone you love. Well for me anyways... I can't imagine having sex with someone other than my best friend in the whole world. Casual sex is okay for other people I guess, even though it does bother me when people are slutty. I hate sluts...they only sleep around to feel better about themselves or something. Virginity is precious so be careful, and don't give it up to some jerk off asshole who doesn't give a shit about you. Cuddling is better than sex anyways. I'd much rather be held than humped. Anyways I have a lot more to say, but I'm too tired to keep my eyes open so this will be cont'd. Goodnight.

I'm so upset

2004-07-22T04:58:41Z

Okay this is probably the most pathetic journal entry I will ever write and probably the most pathetic one anyone will ever read.

Tonight consisted of way too much thinking. All I did was get depressed as I drove around thinking of who I could really talk to, and realizing that the only person I wanted to talk to was out of town. Then, it occured to me that I don't really have best friends anymore. I can't count on anybody 100%, I can't tell anyone everything, I can't fully trust anyone, and I can't totally let go around anyone. Some people have a few of these qualities, but noone has them all. Tonight I just feel more alone than I have in a long time. All I wanted was to talk and cry and have someone to comfort me, but not even my so-called best friend wanted the job. I guess what I've learned is that I should've been my own best friend all along instead. I'll just have to learn to cry on my own shoulder I suppose, at least I know it'll always be there for me.

I AM STILL ALIVE

2004-06-26T06:45:22Z

Well it has been a while considering I used to update almost everyday. Quite a bit has happened, I know, but it's too much to record. School is over finally. It's too bad I'm still waiting for summer to start. I've been at dance everyday all day from awakening until night time. We had a great show last night despite the costume confusion. It feels like rehearsals should start to dwindle down, but this is only the beginning. I leave for nationals next Saturday, and considering we haven't done these dances in months, I'm sure it will be another week of living at the studio. I don't want to go to New York at all. At least not right now. I want to start enjoying my summer, laying on the beach, getting a much needed tan, and hanging out with friends. I'm sure I'd miss dance too much if I did that, but just a week off would be nice.

Last week, my mom was out of town. It was nice not to have any authority around, but now that I think about it, I didn't do much out of the ordinary. Saw a lot of Joey though. We played house all week, which was fun. Ran into(literally) a little trouble one night, but that was to be expected I guess.

Tonight I went to Deja's cotillion. We all wore formal dresses and rode together in the limo. It was a lot of fun to see everyone wearing something other than sweat, crop tops, and booty shorts. There weren't enough guys to escort the girls in so me and Jamie had to share Deja's cousin Patrick aka "Bricks". It was a lot of fun the few hours I was there, watching the juniors "back their asses up" all over the place. Happy Sweet 16 Deja!

I'm tired now though and I have dance at noon so goodnight everybody.

luvalwayz~ Sami

don't let the days go by...

2004-06-03T02:43:52Z

Why do my teeth still hurt? The second the pain killers wear off I'm dying. I don't want to depend on motrin for the rest of my life. It's been over a week. Go away hurt!

I have a lot to write about, but I don't really know how. I don't know what to do about all this.

Whatever I guess I'm eating my ABC soup and going to bed.

luvalwayz~sami

Stop, look, and listen baby. That's my philosophy...

2004-06-01T05:51:12Z

I don't know what to write, but I feel the need to make an entry.

Umm...I walked my ass off today w/ Audry. Then, we came back and had a little cookout deal even though I still can't eat things as hard as hamburgers. I saw Chris for the first time in 800 years. I thought he died or something. We were gonna go over there and swim, but Leah's mom put a guilt trip on us. We went to dance instead. That class is so weird w/ me, Leah, Brandi, the tan girl, the chubby girl, the weird girl who isn't in our class but comes anyway, the black guys, and the mom. It's an interesting experience every Monday night. Okay I'm going to sleep b/c I have school tomorrow. This entry is lame.

High on life

2004-05-31T07:19:27Z

I haven't updated in a while b/c I've been at home thinking, and not really going anywhere. It's done me so much good though, whether I liked it or not, b/c I realized so much. Especially yesterday. It was such a wonderful day. So much came to me all at one time. I apologized to someone that i had wronged, and forgave someone that wronged me. I feel so much better b/c I'm happy. And OH! What a surprise! I'm happy b/c I decided to be happy. I used to always decide my own moods. That's the way it's supposed to be right? Well, this year has changed me a lot I've noticed. For such a large part of it, I let my feelings depend on the feelings of people around me, which is why I haven't been happy. I'm going back to the way I used to be, which is a lot better for me and all those close to me too. It's working already. I've had a smile on my face for 48 hours straight, and what do you know? I haven't even had the slightest conflict, and I've had so much fun. Amazing how that works. I'm glad to be back b/c I've obviously been out of my mind for a while. I'm so excited. 9 school days until summer. :-)

I'm not the middle-man, just the referee!- I hate "the situation". It makes me sad, b/c I can't solve it or even do anything to help. ugh...it's a lose-lose situation...someone ends up feeling shitty no matter what.

Okay I'm falling asleep now. Gnight journal.

My heart belongs to you

What have we done to this heaven?

2004-05-29T16:29:07Z

This is the worst case of cabin fever in history. I'm losing my mind b/c I need to get out of this house, but I don't really want to go anywhere. I just can't watch another movie, or take another nap, or eat another bowl of soup. It's not that I even miss the world, I'm just sick of looking at these same walls. At least we have a 3-day weekend. I have dance all day tomorrow though. I want summer. I haven't even been to the beach once yet. Maybe I'll go today.

All I want
is an ordinary moment here with you
-no distractions
Tell the world
that you’re busy doing nothing
Cancel everything - let it go
Hey, do we know what really matters here?

FUCK SURGERY!

2004-05-26T01:18:31Z

owww...my face hurts like shit and i've been doing nothing but throwing up all day long. my mouth is bleeding and i just can't sleep anymore. sorry if that's too graphic, but it's how i feel. this is the best i've felt all day too, and it's still hell. i hate having a weak stomach, and not being able to take medicine b/c of it. if it wasn't for that surgery, this surgery wouldnt be so bad. but if it wasn't for that surgery i wouldn't be here for this one. whatever thats enough rambling, im going back to my mommy's bed. im not gonna pass at school.

turn a little faster...

2004-05-20T02:55:39Z

Nothing too eventful has been happening lately. Monday night I went to Dunkin Donuts w/ Audry at 4 in the morning, then we drove around the neighborhood, and then walked around the neighborhood. Then, we came back to my house and played on the computer 'till it was time to get ready for school, and I actually got to school on time. I was so tired, I felt drunk all day. Today I didn't go...I suck, but not as bad as my b/f who as of tomorrow will have missed like the last 9 days in a row.

Skinny ass Heather came over last night. As much as I love Target, I want to burn it down for ubducting her.

Dance has sucked so bad lately. Travis gives us such low self-esteem and treats Denise like shit. He doesn't give anyone a chance. He just assumes we can't do anything, and will never work to improve. He puts the same people in the front over and over. He picks on Deja. I miss Denise so much.

I miss Chesnee...and my "3rd bell"..."kaka is shit" haha

Okay I will be going now.